A Choice of Suckers

By ACSH Staff — Apr 29, 2002
Oh, some will call it juvenile, A vibrant red lollipop poised between adult lips, But the nicotine-pop fix lasts a while And compared to smoking, spells fewer hospital trips. Nicotine doesn't kill, after all; It's smoking that tar and stuff that does one in. So I hope my next trip to the mall Reveals teens ditching smoking for sucking. It'd look just as smashing As those baby pacifiers the club youth wear. (They're to prevent teeth-gnashing, When they're on ecstasy and beyond all cares.)

Oh, some will call it juvenile,
A vibrant red lollipop poised between adult lips,
But the nicotine-pop fix lasts a while
And compared to smoking, spells fewer hospital trips.

Nicotine doesn't kill, after all;
It's smoking that tar and stuff that does one in.
So I hope my next trip to the mall
Reveals teens ditching smoking for sucking.

It'd look just as smashing
As those baby pacifiers the club youth wear.
(They're to prevent teeth-gnashing,
When they're on ecstasy and beyond all cares.)

It's not a perfect future
It sounds like some odd, infantile dream
But far preferable to cancer
Would be a world full of lollipops for teens.

Ah, but how to make it chic?
The FDA says these lollies are against the law.
Advertisers thus cannot speak,
Of their life-saving virtues, nor sell them in stores.

They might seem addictive folly,
But shouldn't aversion to cancer outweigh such fears?
Will no one promote these lollies,
And where, alas, are the Kojaks of yesteryear?

I must be an all-day sucker
To hope for freedom instead of a lollipop ban,
But rather than be a smoker,
I'd gladly visit the corner store, waiting for the candy man.

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