Gatorade Water? Yes, such a thing exists. It has "no flavor" and costs about $20 for a 15-pack of 1-liter bottles. Better still, it's alkaline!
This is stupid on several levels and quackery on one more. Let's look at the product's claims.
The Gatorade hydration portfolio??? What corporate idiot made that up? It's a f##### glass of water, not a multi-billion dollar mutual fund. And it's "formulated for active people." Does this mean it won't help a thirsty slob who sits around watching football all day?
It's important that the stuff is "ready to drink" because we all know that the preparation time to drink other bottles of water is so long that most users die from thirst.
Had Bob chosen Gatorade ready-to-drink water perhaps he wouldn't be in this situation.
Which is 7 steps too many, but does remove minerals from the water. Only to have Gatorade put back some others. And who needs such pure water? Almost no one (1). If you are so concerned about health issues stop letting your dog slobber on your ice cream cone.
Foofie and Steve share an ice cream cone. While this may strike some of us as a suboptimal health practice worry not. Steve will wash it down with 7-step filtered water and all will be well.
Wow. Infused. That's pretty fancy talk for splooting (made-up word) in a tiny amount of sodium bicarbonate (baking soda). How much? I asked ChatGPT how much baking soda it would take to raise the pH of 1 liter of neutral water (pH 7.0) to 7.5. The answer is 5.7 micrograms (0.0.00574 mg), which costs 0.000001025 cents (2). How good will it taste? Like really dilute salt water with a bitter aftertaste.
Friday Fraud!
When bicarbonate hits your stomach (pH ~2-3), the single fastest chemical reaction occurs — acid-base neutralization (this is how Rolaids work). Your Gatorade (and whatever alleged benefits it has) is gone in a fraction of a second. As is your money. I wrote some ridiculous claims for alkaline water in 2017 (3). Here's the equation:
NaHCO3 + HCl ---> NaCl + CO2 + H2O + $$$
There is another downside I should point out. The package is heavy!
This can be enumerated by another equation:
15 Pack + 2 Flights of Stairs = 1 Hernia + 1 Denial of coverage from United Healthcare
By the way, today is not Friday, so that's another fraud. Gotcha!
NOTES:
(1) In certain locations the water has too many minerals, which can impact its taste and odor. Hard water can also screw up your appliances. In these cases such a filter is important.
(2) If these numbers are wrong, blame AI. If I tried to do the math there is a 0% chance I get it right.
(3) The pH of your blood is carefully regulated to be in the 7.35-7.45 range. If you try to make your body alkaline call the funeral parlor in advance. But you can raise the pH of your stomach, something that helps with heartburn, peptic ulcers, etc. There are drugs that do this as well as antacids).
Josh Bloom
Director of Chemical and Pharmaceutical Science
Dr. Josh Bloom, the Director of Chemical and Pharmaceutical Science, comes from the world of drug discovery, where he did research for more than 20 years. He holds a Ph.D. in chemistry.
